I’m off on a week long adventure to Splendour In The Grass to frolic about on mushrooms and listen to the music stylings of Warpaint, James Blake, The Mars Volta, DJ Shadow, Mogwai, Devendra Banhart etc with my best friend. Bye guys.
I feel as if I have hit a point in my life where I need to make some vital decisions. Either I can keep on being a free spirit and neglect employment and schoolwork or I can really try to put my head down and study this semester. I feel younger and younger every day that other people are getting older. Today was the first day in a long time I have associated myself with my age, I truly am sixteen. I am sixteen and naive and irresponsible. I think perhaps I need to get my act together before I lose myself to the abyss of underachievers and lowlifes.
I just got my jumper back with a few more paint stains and your scent combined with a pleasantly characteristic mint undertone woven in between the threads. I wish I didn’t have a cold so I could enjoy it a little more.
I feel so hopeless when I’m sick. Currently writhing between sheets, in and out of consciousness with a constant dull ache in my head, mucus blocking my sinuses and a tickling down the back of my throat that just wont disappear no matter how many times I cough into the night…
a poem of those whom are/n’t broken brains, broken heart broken thought train aches, echoes memory loss, forgotten dreams speaking in dreams tongues touching scratching vinyl holding hands under the covers ache ache ache lost in broken thought forgotten brain heart trained echoes
Things that are making me unnaturally happy right now: pizza, bed, warmth, oil paints, memories, paintings over paintings, orange and mango juice, guitar, pink floyd, bike riding, baked goods, film, fungi, friends, lovers and those who lie in between.
Sometimes when I have fights with people I love and they’re left unresolved, i’ll run down my driveway because something in my head tells me they will have written me a letter apologising and telling me that they love me and that they didn’t mean to upset me. I don’t know why I do this, I’ve never been sent a letter in my life. I guess it’s just something I do…
Currently I am sobbing uncontrollably and listening to sad songs whilst clutching the book I was reading with my arms wrapped around me; my eyes got too teary to read and my teddy was on the floor. It was almost as if I didn’t push something up against my chest, my heart might just fall out. Why can’t I just be happy, why must my little insignificant problems send me into this spiraling depression.
I think sometimes I was born with too many feelings.
“I don’t want to see anyone. I lie in the bedroom with the curtains drawn and nothingness washing over me like a sluggish wave. Whatever is happening to me is my own fault. I have done something wrong, something so huge I can’t even see it, something that’s drowning me. I am inadequate and stupid, without worth. I might as well be dead.”—Cat’s Eye by Margaret Atwood
I met this boy last night and basically he is everything I could ever want in a person; we drank a little and ended up kissing on the rooftop of a gorgeous penthouse apartment overlooking the entire city. Unfortunately as soon as the boy whom I have had seemingly unrequited feeling for the duration of the past year hears of this, he gets sulky and calls me a slut, then starts being unnaturally sweet. This is making me think perhaps he does like me. Oh dear. Ultimate white girl problems.
Ever since I did mushrooms, I find that I can be easily overwhelmed with feelings of love, joy, warmth and homeliness to the point I start to cry. Something beautiful filled with chance occurred in my life. Somedays it really is lovely to be alive.
Night time is the time where the most gorgeous life happenings occur sounds and light travel further at night and everyone is tucked away in their own minds and their dreams and nothing no longer matters to the unconscious minds of humanity and for us conscious minds we stay awake harnessing the beauty which belongs to the loneliness of night.